MY LOVE FOR GOD

On June 2, 2008 I started out every morning talking with the Lord. I say a prayer, then do my bible lesson and after I finish I write down my thoughts and almost always write a prayer, then place whatever I write behind the bible lesson. I haven't actually gone back and read any of them.

Since Chris died I haven't done this simply because I haven't been able to concentrate on anything, so I have been praying. One day I tried to start my bible lesson and still couldn't concentrate but I saw the back page of the last thing I wrote. This is what I wrote the day before Chris died. I'm not sure why I am putting it here other than God told me to.


6/20/08

The Power of a Personal Relationship with God, how wonderful is that.

I just can't begin to describe my relationship with God. It was the one smartest thing I have ever done. He gives me love, hope, blessings, peace, calmness, satisfaction, sincerity-fulfilness, I could go on and on.

His love is like no other. His promises are never broken.

I pray that my entire family and friends come to realize that he is the one most important thing that will come into your life, if you invite him in. I pray that you keep my family and friends safe and keep your arms around them. I give a special prayer for Chris and hope he is praying to get back where he should be and that he is safe. Continue to deal with him in the way you know will be best.

In Jesus name, I pray.



I asked God to do what he knew was best and he did. I couldn't have possibly known the outcome, but it's not for me to understand. I know that God's way is perfect. And no matter how much I miss him and my heart aches, I thank God for taking care of my baby.

I love you Chris with all my heart and I know that you know that, there is no doubt in my mind.

THANKFUL

To say the least the last four days have been the hardest I have ever had to go through. Without God standing beside me along with my family and friends, I know that I could not have done it.

But with that said, I am so thankful. I am thankful of ALL my friends and family and Chris Friends. I heard so many stories how Chris helped other people. One of them was a friend he did drugs with and hung around alot. His son died and he was suicidal and he said if it wasn't for Chris he would not be standing there. Because of Chris helping him he was no longer doing drugs and was alive.

Another one that grew up with him and Stephanie told me that he was doing drugs and when Chris got saved he came around all of the time with these handouts about being saved. He said Chris didn't give up on him and kept preaching to him. He wanted us to know he honestly had not done drugs anymore because of Chris (and of course the Lord) helping him.

Chris had talked sooo much about his friends from Church. (Gardendale Baptist) So many of them came and told story after story about their experiences with Chris. They called him "Gangsta Chris". They have a MYSPACE and said Heaven now has Gangsta Chris with them. These young people have no idea how they touched my heart at such a horrific time. They are having a party for him Friday night, celebrating his life and I thought that was so wonderful. Thats what we should do because he is in such a much better place then we are and that I know.

Sometimes it takes tragedies to make blessings happen.

My brother and Dad talked alot for the first time in years. Mike told me he finally had forgiven my Dad for being absent in his life. This is something I have been praying for,for many years.

We are only humans and make mistakes. But you never know when its your time, be ready. As long as you are saved and Know that you know that you know that you know you are going to be with the Lord then you have no worries. Along with the Lord, Chris will be there with open arms welcoming you with that smirky smile of his.

Please continue to keep all of Chris family and friends in your prayers, because prayers really do help. We realize that everyone feels helpless and feels that there is nothing they can do but you are wrong, EVERYONE has been such a blessing to each and everyone of us. I do ask that you say a special prayer for Trinity and Hayden. They are very confused. I haven't talked to Hayden since the funeral but I have Trinity and she is so sad and has so many questions. She is a child beyond her years so she is thinking about everything that most people wouldn't even think about. So PLEASE put her and Hayden in your prayers that the Lord will comfort them and give them peace.

I am thankful for each and everyone one in my life and I love all of you with all my heart. I pray that God will take care of each and everyone of you and will keep you and your family safe in his arms.

One last thing, if I have made my son sound like a perfect man I didn't mean to. Chris had problems and addictions that caused many problems in his life. But in his heart he wanted to please everyone, God included. And he loved his children with all of his heart and his family and friends.

MY SON, CHRIS

I don't know where to start so please bare with me. Yesterday morning I got a call that Chris had been in a motorcycle wreck and I needed to get to UAB Emergency room as soon as possible. Luckily Shirley and I were in Birmingham spending the night with Donna.

She drove me to the hospital. Somehow in my heart from that minute I knew my baby was dead. It wasn't that I didn't have faith, it was like God was letting me know so I could be prepared.

He had so much trauma I can't even remember all the details. But the main thing was he was brain dead.

I really don't know why at 3:45 a.m. which is the morning after that I feel compelled to write something but I do.

I don't want Chris death to go unnoticed. He was a son, brother, father, grandchild, uncle, cousin and a friend.

I could sit here and tell you that he was perfect, never did anything wrong but then I would be doing something that Chris could never do to me and thats lie.

He had lots of problems and addiction to drugs. He tried so many times to get past it and I really thought this last time he had. But God has a plan and we just have to trust , obey and have faith that he will see us through. Only he knows what is best for Chris and I trust him in that if he allowed it he had a plan to have him there with him.

Chris and I had a close and special relationship. He could talk to me about all of his problems, things that bothered him, things he enjoyed (even though alot of them weren't something a Mother would want to hear)but the one thing that really bothered Chris was hurting his family. He talked about that just last week. He told me that he didn't want to worry anyone and didn't want to disapoint anyone. He said numerous times how he knew how much he had hurt people and he would never want to do that. He realized his addiction was the root of all of his problems but for some reason he just couldn't beat it. Approximately, 3 weeks ago, he was going to church everytime the doors opens and then in just one split second he was back doing drugs.

I honestly think he thought he was strong enough and just took the wrong turn. I have been through so many rehabs with Chris and do realize that more end up back in drugs then ones that get straight.

But let me tell you something I know. With the Lord by your side, walking with him every day, letting him make all of your decisions, miracles can happen. But without Jesus, its impossible. This world is so horrible today, full of drugs, crime, murder, lies, deception, corruption, etc. The Bible tells you it doesn't get any better.

So I hope each and everyone of you that read this will turn to God and will tell everyone you meet. If only one person gets saved and follows Christ then Chris will have made a difference.

I did find out that as far as I've been told someone did get his kidneys. I hope that they work and that the person who received them will able to live a full life.

If nothing else, I know that out of all of this, something has to come out of it Good. And in time I know God will show me that. Before Chris died God had told me to stop worrying about him he was going to take care of him. I can't say I knew this was his plan but as Rick Burgess said he is now with the Father that loves him more than me.

I want to thank all of my family and friends through one of the hardest times in my life. I appreciate everyones prayers and I love each and every one of you with all my heart.

Visitng for friends is 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. tonight Monday, June 23rd at Crestview Memorial Gardens in Adamsville, Al. The funeral is Tuesday, June 24th at 2:00 p.m.

I honestly pray that I hope in your lifetime that you NEVER have to lose a child. There is no way I could be going through this without God by my side and my family and friends.I love you very very much. Please keep us in your prayers.

HUGE BLESSINGS

The Lord has truly blessed me in my life and is still blessing me daily.

You know sometimes the Lord just has to knock you down to get your attention. The reason I know this is because that is what happened to me several weeks ago.

I wasn't going to church and studying the Bible and praying like I should. He kept after me and after me and I was like okay I will but never did.

SOOOOOOO, he knocked me down. Things seemed to be going fine and then all of the sudden within a week it seemed like everything fell apart. I literally thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. There was nowhere I could go without something effecting me personally.

Then it hit me, the Lord is going to get my attention one way or the other. I started praying like I haven't prayed in years. I went to Church on Sunday and came home and one of my prayers got answered. I knew it actually before it happened. God said okay, I've got you back and don't leave again, and I haven't. I pray everyday that he keeps me reading the word and spending time with him daily and keeping in church and giving myself to him totally. Because without him I know I would continue to make mistake after mistake.

Its amazing how from just one week to another I feel totally different. Don't get me wrong, everything in my life is not perfect. But the difference is with God walking with me everyday I know that as long as I stand and wait on him he will make the right choices for me and bless me.

One of the things I was dealing with is my son has had drug problems for years and had done so good for awhile and in a split second he changed and went back to the drugs. When I found out I called him and said some terrible things because I was so hurt, which was wrong. I realized that so I asked God what could I do and he told me to love him and just wait on the Lord. I know in my heart that he will be okay because God has let me know that. So I have been calling him leaving messages (because he wouldn't answer my calls) telling him how much the Lord and I love him and how I know he is going to get back to where he is, etc. Yesterday for the first time he called me back and talked to me. When we were through talking he said Mom I love you please continue to pray for me. I know that I know that I know where I am going when I die, do you?

Please keep my family in your prayers.

Love, Terri