SAD, CONFUSED, HURT, BUT BLESSED
I realize I haven't blogged in awhile and everytime I start to I dont really know what to say. I guess you could say the realization of Chris' death has caused alot of emotions for me. Alot that I haven't ever dealt with before. But I received my second grief book from Peggy (one of my Moms friends is sending me books about grief, you get a total of four within the 1st year)and in reading it I realize that I guess I'm not as crazy as I thought I was. Evidently other people feel the same way.
It just seemed that it should get better but it hasn't. I feel like someone has taken and cut out half of my heart. I can just be doing anything and I think about him and get so SAD that I can't breathe. I miss him more than anyone could ever imagine. He was a part of me that isn't here anymore, he was my baby, he would call me and make me laugh, alot of times he would make me mad, but there was never a day that I didn't love him and he didn't love me. We had a special relationship and alot of people didn't understand it, but we did. I didn't agree with alot of things he did but he knew that I loved him no matter what.
I've really been confused because I thought it would get better quicker then this. I though each day it would get easier but it hasn't. Infact for no reason some days are so hard that I don't know if I will make it, but I do.
I have been through alot in my life but nothing compares to the hurt that I have felt in losing Chris. Being his Mom I just think about all the stuff he will miss, seeing his children grow up, and his nephews and niece, etc.
I hope that anyone who knows me knows I am not a crybaby, but I have shed more tears in the last three and a half months than I think I have in my entire life.
But I know with Gods help I will get through this. I am blessed with so many good memories of Chris, and all of my family and friends that I love very much and appreciate. God blesses me every day by reminding me that my Son is with him and we have our very own special angel. Knowing that is how I know I'll get better.
Sorry but for some reason I had to write all of this down so maybe I can go forward.
As I have said many times I hope none of you ever have to go through what Me and alot of other parents are having to deal with by losing a child.
God bless each and everyone of you.
It just seemed that it should get better but it hasn't. I feel like someone has taken and cut out half of my heart. I can just be doing anything and I think about him and get so SAD that I can't breathe. I miss him more than anyone could ever imagine. He was a part of me that isn't here anymore, he was my baby, he would call me and make me laugh, alot of times he would make me mad, but there was never a day that I didn't love him and he didn't love me. We had a special relationship and alot of people didn't understand it, but we did. I didn't agree with alot of things he did but he knew that I loved him no matter what.
I've really been confused because I thought it would get better quicker then this. I though each day it would get easier but it hasn't. Infact for no reason some days are so hard that I don't know if I will make it, but I do.
I have been through alot in my life but nothing compares to the hurt that I have felt in losing Chris. Being his Mom I just think about all the stuff he will miss, seeing his children grow up, and his nephews and niece, etc.
I hope that anyone who knows me knows I am not a crybaby, but I have shed more tears in the last three and a half months than I think I have in my entire life.
But I know with Gods help I will get through this. I am blessed with so many good memories of Chris, and all of my family and friends that I love very much and appreciate. God blesses me every day by reminding me that my Son is with him and we have our very own special angel. Knowing that is how I know I'll get better.
Sorry but for some reason I had to write all of this down so maybe I can go forward.
As I have said many times I hope none of you ever have to go through what Me and alot of other parents are having to deal with by losing a child.
God bless each and everyone of you.
posted by Terri at
5:04 PM
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